


The Banhammer Song

by Anonymous



Category: Fail_Fandomanon RPF, Multi-Fandom
Genre: Gen, Song Parody, The Mikado - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 07:41:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16782625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Becoming the Mod High Executioner has gone to Heather’s head.





	The Banhammer Song

**Author's Note:**

> The problem with falling into a new fandom is encountering fannish annoyances that had been carefully curated out of previous fandoms. Thanks, Star Wars, for inspiring me to polish up the following filk. 
> 
> This version has been revised from the [ FFA original](https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/343208.html?thread=1985380264#cmt1985380264).

_Heather_ : Nonnies, I'm much touched by this reception. I can only trust that by strict attention to duty I shall ensure a continuance of those modly powers which it will ever be my study to deserve. If I should ever be called upon to act professionally, I am happy to think that there will be no difficulty in finding plenty of posters whose loss will be a distinct gain to fandom at large.

<Music starts>  
_Heather (singing):_

As someday it may happen that a victim must be found,
    I’ve got a little list — I’ve got a little list,
Of fandom-wide offenders who might well be underground,
    And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!
The pestilential nuisances who stalk for photographs —
    All tumblrs with their BYFs who never ever laugh —
All children who are up in wank and flood your inbox hatefully —
    All persons who in commenting ask, “Where’s my OTP?” —
All anti groups who on spoiling shippy squee insist —
    They’d none of ‘em be missed — they’d none of them ‘em be missed.

_Sarah and Nonnies:_

She’s got ‘em on the list — she’s got ’em on the list,
    And they’ll none of ’em be missed — they’ll none of ’em be missed.

_Heather:_

There’s the ATG migrator and others of like mind,
    The hot-take meta-ist — I’ve got them on my list!
All people who eat Word-of-God and correct you to be kind,
    They never would be missed — they never would be missed!
Then the activist who praises with enthusiastic tone,
    All characters but this and every country but their own;
And the newbie from the canon het who started shipping guys,
    Who’s “never run a kinkmeme but thinks she’d rather like to try”;
And that singular anomaly, the fannish journalist —
    I don’t think she’d be missed — I’m sure she’d not be missed!

_Sarah and Nonnies:_

She's got ’em on the list — she’s got ’em on the list,
    And I don’t think she’ll be missed — I’m sure she’ll not be missed!

_Heather:_

And those meet-cute lists and askblogs which just now are rather rife,
    “Your OTP Imagine” — I’ve got them on the list!
All fanon writers who don’t tag their fics of modern life —
    They’d none of ‘em be missed — they’d none of ‘em be missed!
And all deceptive BNFs of a self-promoting kind,
Such as — What’s he called now —     That one mod — and likewise — never mind,
And C- C- C-, a Plagiarist, and also You-Know-Who —
    The task of filling out the blanks we prob’ly need to do.
But it really doesn’t matter who you put upon the list,
    For they’d none of ‘em be missed —they’d none of ‘em be missed!

_Sarah and Nonnies:_

You may put ’em on the list — you may put ’em on the list
    And they’ll none of ’em be missed — they’ll none of ’em be missed


End file.
